12

Milly

It’s been a long haul this year I’m still accustoming  myself to it. Kaysey is and always will be my best friend. She is my rock when I hit a hard place. She’s done so much for me over the years and I couldn’t wish foe a better best friend. We grew up together. Been through primary school high school and now we are planning to go to college as well. She’s always tired to keep the bullies away she/s always been the one to be in my corner to tick up for me when everyone else saw me as the fat kid.

Then Daniel came along, I have no idea where he came from I was just glad someone other than Kaysey saw me for me and not another fat kid. No one knows about my scars, not even Kasey. I do them where I one else can see them, yes I self harm, I inflict pain to forget pain to forget how those bitches tournament me every single day of my life like I’m worthless. They’ve even got me thinking that Daniel hates me too. They say he’s only around cause he feels sorry for my fat ugly ass. He doesn’t care for me and he would never love someone as ugly as me. I haven’t told anyone what they say to me it’s kept locked away until I down no longer take it. It’s getting close I’m cutting more than ever and one day I may not be here to tell the tale of I hit the wrong vein.  

They’ve been harassing me all day after they saw me coming into school after my run with Daniel. They think I’m doing it to impress him so he’ll fall for me but he will never fall for such an ugly fat b***h thoght I’ve lost around four stone they still call me names and though I fight back I feel helpless. I sat on the bench I had blade in my hand ready to end it all today was the day I would end my worthless life. Tears fell off my face. I know Kaysey will be disappointed in me she thought I was doing so well but I’m not I’ve been harassed here since year seven now it’s getting a little old.  I pushed the blade to my wrist one last time one last time and there will be no me goodbye cruel world. I dug it further into my skin cutting across my arm to my veins, tears falling off my face as the blade gets snatched away. "What the hell Milly?"

Oh s**t not today please not today.why today why not any other day when I’m not overwhelmingly depressed and ready to take my own life away. It’s not like anyone will care anyway. "What the hell is this?" He asks, holding up the blade.

I look at him my eyes blurry with tears. "I..I.."

"What the hell are you trying to do Milly? Kill yourself?"

"It was kind of the plan, yes."

"Why? I don’t understand I thought you were doing good?"

"That’s everyone thinks but it’s bullshit."

"What’s going on Milly? You’ve been doing so well."

"Well guess what? You're wrong Daniel. I’M NOT DOING WELL AT ALL. SO PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

"What’s wrong Milly?  What the hell is going on?"

"What the hell do you care?"

"Of course I care."

"Bullshit. You just feel sorry for me.  You don’t even like me you’re here cause you want to price to kaysey you’re not an asshole to prove to her that you want to actually help me conquer the bullies and my weight."

"I do want to help you Milly. I’m not an asshole I genuinely do care. I offered my help so did my brother. You’ve done well over the last seven months Milly you’ve turned fat into muscle. You fight back, you’ve lost a tremendous amount of weight and I’m proud of you."

"Will you like me now I’ve lost my weight or was it all just a waist of time?"

He paced his hand in my face turning it to him. "I’ve always liked you Milly. Your weight has nothing to do with how I feel about you.’"

"So why bother help me get rid of it if it didn’t matter to you?"

"It mattered to you, that’s why I offered to help." He edged closer. "I love you Milly, what bull s**t everyone else is pouring is just that." He pressed his lips on mine kissing me passionately. He moved away. "Promise me you won’t try this again."

I looked  at him.

"Promise me Milly."

"I promise."

He smiled. ‘I have to go I’ll pick you up after school so you can pick up your stuff you’ll be staying with me this weekend.’

"Okay."

He pulled himself up pecking me in the lips. "Later my angel."

I smiled. "Bye Daniel."

He walked away as the bell rang. I pulled myself up throwing my backpack over my shoulders. I walked into the building looking out for Kacey when I spotted her my whole demeanour changed, had he been crying?

She smiled at me, not one of her happy smiles but a sad one. "Are you okay, Kacey?"

"Yeah."

"Who done that to you?"

"What?"

"You have finger marks on your face."

"No one."

"Then why do you look so scared. Who are you afraid of?’ She shocked me when she answered.

"Orlando."