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Dear Diary,

I feel like I’m going in circles. I was supposed to leave the past behind, when I moved here. But it just follows me everywhere I go. I can’t shake off the feeling that Cassie’s up to something. Our last encounter has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

It’s a good thing we’re flying home for the weekend. I can’t wait to see my family and celebrate Leslie’s birthday. It better be epic, or I’ll be deeply disappointed. I’m not one for partying, but I do like to have a good time with the people I love.

And I could really use someone to talk to. Hunter and I have been fighting over the tiniest things lately. I think he resents me a little, for working all the time. I hope he won’t read this. I’m sorry, Hunter. I love you.

I pack up as much of my summer clothes as I can. I need to exchange them for warmer clothes and I just know I won’t manage to stuff as many sweaters in here as I had of those light, linen shorts and blouses.

Hunter is doing the same thing, but he’s a guy. He doesn’t really care what he wears as long as it’s clean. I was supposed to carry our clothes to the laundry facility, but I simply don’t have the time. Maybe I’ll fill up one machine when we get back on Sunday.

As we’re leaving our studio behind, I almost feel relieved. A few bad memories have formed there and I’m not exactly happy about that. I want to leave them behind and come back rebranded. At least that’s what I’m trying to accomplish. I’m not sure if I’ll succeed, though.

“Did you pack Leslie’s gift?” my boyfriend asks me as we’re already getting into the elevator. I nod, patting the front pocket of my suitcase.

“Yeah, it’s right here,” I assure him, making him nod. Then, he sighs and pulls me into a hug. I blink against his jacket in surprise. “Oof. What was that for?” I mumble, as my face is squished against his clothing.

He chuckles and lets go of me, shrugging. “I just wanted to feel close to you,” he murmurs, staring at me with that gaze that I’m used to. Not the one that he’s been giving me lately. The disappointed one.

“I love you,” I blurt out, before I’m able to stop myself. He stares at me, smiling softly. He runs his hand through my hair, sighing in response. Then, he presses a kiss on the top of my head, making warmth spread all the way down to my toes.

“I love you too, baby. So much,” he lets me know. I look up at him with a loving gaze, but the moment soon passes as we come to a stop and the door opens. Thank God, if I get stuck inside this thing one more time, I swear I’m never using a lift again.

As we’re walking to the train station, we also pass the café I’m working at. I hope I manage to ditch this place soon. Don’t get me wrong, my coworkers are cool, so are the customers, the work and all that. But I really want to get some free time.

I know I won’t be able to keep this up for long. I’m exhausted, and it’s only been a month and a half since I’ve started attending NYU. I’ll have to change something soon, or else I’ll burn out sooner than I can say ‘successful’.

We pass the time by talking about everything and nothing. Strangely enough, I already feel like we’re reconnecting on a deep level after talking for fifteen minutes, give or take a few. I guess we’re just programmed that way. Spending time together makes us happy.

I wish I could say that this is how things will be from now on. I really do. Maybe I should ask for a raise at Fox. If they gave me fifty cents more, it would already pay off. I’d spend a little more time there, then go straight home after working there, instead of helping out at the café.

“Perrie, can I ask you something?” Hunter says after a few minutes of silence, making me lift my head from his shoulder to look at him. I nod, wanting him to know that he never has to be afraid of asking a question.

“Sure. Anything you want,” I murmur, making him rub my arm. I shiver at his touch, making him think that I’m cold. I’m not. Still, I let him pull me a little closer and tighten the jacket around my shoulders.

“I know that NYU wasn’t your first pick and all that … And that you wanted to live in Florida. But are you happy here? Are you truly happy here?” he wants to know. He’s staring at me in an unfamiliar way. I can’t decipher his gaze at all.

Then, the longer I stare at him, the more I realize something. He’s terrified. But why? What scares him so much? Finally, it dawns on me. He thinks he pushed me into this. I straighten up, so I can take a better look at him.

“Don’t go there. Don’t do that to yourself. I’m happy here. I truly am. I like the college, I like the professors, I like my internship, our apartment … Being able to be with you … I like everything about our current situation. You have nothing to worry about,” I assure him.

He averts his gaze to the window, before returning his gaze to my face. He nods in confirmation, almost looking like he can barely believe my words. I grab his face, forcing those green eyes to stare at me.

“Listen to me. You’re the love of my life. Okay? Nothing that I do for you makes me unhappy. Seeing you thriving is what makes me thrive. I’m so happy that I get to live with you,” I continue, putting more emphasis into my tone, because he clearly didn’t get it the first time round.

He smiles at me, nodding. “Okay. I believe you. You don’t have to be dramatic. You sound like you just came from a movie,” he remarks, making me pout. He chuckles at my reaction and I join in soon after.

Then, I press my lips against his. It’s a blissful moment. I have to say that I’ve missed those lately. We’ve spend way too much time disagreeing, when we should be doing more of this. Listening to each other. Connecting. Loving.

As I lean my head on his shoulder again, I make myself a silent vow. When we get back to Connecticut, I’m going to try to spend more time with him. And I’ll try to make sure that we do what we’re doing right now. Love each other. This is who we truly are. We’re not that couple, who fights over petty things. Not if I have any say in it.