THREE

Oriana's POV

When i woke up this morning my phone was blasted by messages from the group chat. I saw a photo, of Jeramaine with Savannah and my hands fall onto my lap. I looked up at the sky and everything around me, but everything just seemed so blurry. I couldn't see anything and my head felt so heavy. My hands felt wet all of a sudden and when i touched my face, i was crying. I've never done this before, and this was my first time, crying. This was what it feels like to be in pain, to feel like my heart could literally break. I was thinking and thinking and thinking, it felt like my head was going to explode. The fact that I would have to leave him and break his heart felt like it could kill me at this moment. Before this, leaving him as quickly as i could was the best choice i could've made for both of us but after seeing this picture, seeing him seeing somebody else, touching somebody else, smiling at somebody else, it's making it even hard to keep living. But our separation wouldn't hurt him as much as it would hurt me. When I'm gone he'll be free and he can have the happy ending he deserve with someone else while I carry my love for him until the day I die, alone. I promise, Jeramaine.

I waited for him, near the intersection where we usually meet every morning. He was always early and he would wait for me, as he leaned against the brick wall, sometimes chewing gum and watching the people walking into the bakery opposite the street, sometimes he'd be watching the kids on their bicycles, riding on their lanes, sometimes he'd be texting someone on the phone or even fix his hair. Very mundane stuff that everyone does but i would still fell for because it was Jeramaine and even if he was doing nothing, i would fell even so. But this time, i was the one waiting for him and i understand why he likes to lean against this wall, i understand why he likes to watch the people walking into the bakery, parents with their toddlers, i understand why he watches those kids on their bicycles, all the happiness in the world but right now all i can feel is pain. My visions turned blurry. My hesitations came flooding into my chest once again and i could here the voices inside myself telling me, I don't want to lose him. Just then, as my tears were about to fall, i can feel him, standing from afar, watching me but he didn't move as if he's glued to that spot and so i turned my head, and looked at him.

"Huh, is this why you were always so distracted? Is this why you're always so out of it lately? You've been thinking of some reasons to break up with me and today was your chance? Is that it?", he asked, his voice cracking. For a moment i couldn't bring myself to say anything and stared at the ground instead. I just couldn't look at his face because if I do, I'm scared that i would hold on to him begging him to keep me forever. And for what seemed like a long minute, i clutched my hands and finally looked up at him straight in the eyes and said "Yes", hoping he would hear the shattering in my heart as i turned and walked to school alone. I could still feel his eyes on my back, and i could still hear his voice shaking under his breath but he just stood there, watching me as I go, and I wanted so badly to turn around and run to him but I know i shouldn't. When i was sure that he was out of my sight, I slowly turned around hoping for him to follow me but he wasn't there and as if my knees were broken i wanted to fall right then and there but Vanessa came running towards me holding onto my arms, keeping me steady. "You don't have to act strong, You can cry, You can get angry, It's not your fault.", she said and hearing those words from her soothed me a little bit. "Did you hear from Jeramaine? What did he say?", she asked. "I think I dumped him.", I said, my eyes wide as i stared at the ground beneath our feet, shocked. Vanessa didn't say anything more but just hugged me, caressing my head and i was sure, I let out a tear or two. "Come with me."

Vanessa pulled me to the girls' bathroom and released my hair from its bun. She pulled a mini bag, half the size of her backpack and placed it on the counter and took out a brush from it. She began to brush my hair, as she said, "This is not how someone should look after a break up. You need to stand tall...", she added as she wiped the tears from my face and put some colour to it. "..you need to look hot", she continued as she took of my plaided jacket, tucked my turtleneck into my jeans and turned me so that i faced the mirror. "See, you look stunning. Why hide that figure under a big jacket. Wear this only when it gets cold. And smile, don't look so depress all the time especially not in front of him. You need to look like you're over that jerk..", "He's a good person, Vanessa. I'm the problem.", I interrupted. She was silent for a second, her eyes searching mine in the mirror and then she turned and hold my shoulders. "Okay, I understand. Should we get to class now?", she asked and i nodded. "By the way, do you bring that make-up bag everyday with you?", I asked. "Only when my bestfriend is going through a break up.", she said, as she placed her arm around my shoulders.

"Dude.. your breast looks hot in that turtleneck.", Devorah exclaimed as we approached our lunch table. "Devorah, thats inappropriate.", Doloris her twin sister whispered slapping Devorah's wrist. "I haven't seen Jeramaine anywhere so i guess it's safe for us to sit at this table?", Vanessa asked as we placed our lunch trays on the table and sat down. Devorah, Doloris, Micah and Jordan's eyes' went wide as they look at each other trying to figure out what was going on. "Hold up, are those pictures true? All the rumours? Oriana, did you break up with him?", I didn't say anything but all i could do was nod. "But he would never do that though, he freaking loves you.", Jordan said and I swear i was about to break down because he does love me, he is innocent, he didn't do anything, but i threw him under the bus to save my own skin, to protect my own secret. "s**t! that blasting jerk needs a beating.", Jordan said as he stood up. "Calm down, soldier.", Savannah came, holding Jordan's shoulder, and sat him back down. "You..", but before Jordan could finish, Savannah sat down beside him. "What are you doing?", Vanessa said, everyone's eyes wide. "I'm pretty sure you don't belong at this table.", Doloris. "Yeah this isn't the sluts' table.", Devorah. "Shut up, witches. Look, Jeramaine is like a brother to me, we're childhood friends, I'm only telling you this because that b***h just broke his heart.", Savannah said pointing at me, the b***h that broke Jeramaine's heart. "But if anyone of you idiots decide to tell the world about this...", she stopped, staring at me with her dagger-like eyes. "...I wouldn't hesitate to actually do something with him. Do you hear me?", Savannah added, and stormed of like a thunderstorm.

"Oriana, you should call him. You should take him back.", Micah said while everyone was just looking at me, waiting for me to call Jeramaine. "I can't.", I said under my breath. "What do you mean you can't?", Jordan asked and I cut him, "It's me... it's not him.". "Are you embarrassed or something..", Doloris tried to understand but before she could finish, "It's just something that you will never understand!", I said my voice raising. "Then make us understand..", Devorah pleaded but I couldn't. This burden is for me to carry alone. I couldn't risk anymore heartbreaks. I shook my head, stood up and left. I couldn't held my tears any longer, I need to disappear I thought. I carried myself out of the cafeteria, and out of the school compound bumping into a few students as I cried my eyes out. When i reached the intersection, i couldn't do it anymore, so i crouched beside the brick wall, holding on to it as if I'm holding the pieces of my heart together. Passersby were just walking passed me, some even tried to comfort me but i couldn't say anything but cried until they left me alone. When i finally collected my self, I didn't know where else to go so i just sat there longer. I saw the bakery on the opposite side of the road and decided to go there. The kids on their bicycles sometimes passed by as i crossed the streets.

From the window, looking into the bakery, it looks really warm and cozy in there. There were some customers sitting at the corner sipping coffee and eating cakes. Some were browsing the displays of delectable delicacies and pastries. Seemed like a place that could calm myself, so i went in. When i found a table and sat down, a cup of camomile tea was placed in front me. "Camomile tea, helps you calm the nerves.", a male's voice spoke to me. When I looked up and catch his eyes, he gestured his hand towards the tea, and nodded ensuring me to drink it. He had a set of beautiful green eyes, his dark brown hair was peeking out of his toque and his apron was smudged by bits of flour. "Thank you.", I said as i smiled, looking at the tea. That was very kind of him, i thought."..Uhmm.. you're a new customer right, feel free to choose any pastries you'd like, its on the house.", he said after clearing his throat. "Oh, no there's no need..", but before i could finish, "As you wish.", he interrupted and dashed off behind the counter, tending to the other customers. He couldn't have seen me cry out there could he?, and that's when i stood up to get a better view of the opposite street and realized, he could see me from here. No wonder he's being nice. Arrgghhh, .... kind of embarrassing but anyway i was still really sad so i didn't want to bother at the moment so i just sat back down and sipped my tea.

'Where are you? You need to stop skipping class, Oriana.', Vanessa's text message read but i just couldn't go back when everyone kept talking about Jeramaine. I just couldn't swallow it. So i decided to go the park next. I didn't know where it was so I couldn't popped myself out of nowhere, so i followed the kids. Some of them were wearing school attires, so they must be skipping class too. Jeramaine and I never went to the park. Our dates were always at diners, after school, because Jeramaine was a foodie. We never had that much time to spent together because in the morning we'd be at school and my time was limited and i had to return as dusk comes. So eating together at lunch and after school was always a time well spent together. He would say that food is one of the joys of life. When you're happy and you're celebrating, you eat food. When you're sad and depressed, you eat food. So that became our bit of happiness. If we're not eating then we would just walk together down the streets hand in hand and just talk or listen to our favourite music. "Ooh..what I risk to be close to you.", We would sing, as we share his earphones ignoring all the stares we got but not knowing how much we would actually risk to be with each other at the time. When I finally realized that I've reached the park, suddenly I didn't want to be there anymore. Don't get me wrong, the park was beautiful. Even when the leaves and grass are slowly changing into shades of orange and yellow, i could imagine how it would look like during spring. Among these buildings would sit a green lush park at the centre, people of all ages gathering around as the sun shines brightly through the leaves in the trees. At this time around, little toddlers were still playing on the slides, hanging from the monkey bars, smiles and laughs on their faces but i couldn't enjoy this, no I don't deserve to make myself feel happy when Jeramaine is out there somewhere, probably confused, grieving and alone. So i decided to just leave but before i could, a little boy came up to me and tug on my sleeve and handed me a lollipop.

"Will you help me find my mommy?", he said, pleading and the lollipop was his p*****t. "Oh, honey you don't need to give me this. Come on, I'll help you find her.". "For free?". "Yes, for free.". I told him to never let go of my hand while I concentrate, searching for a frantically beating heart looking for her son and it brought me to a woman probably in her 30s, looking around, her chest going up and down nervously. When she finally sees her child, she quickly ran to him and hugged him for as long as i could remember while thanking me over and over. She brought me to a cafe nearby so that she could thank me properly and i didn't refuse because i needed the distraction. "Is something wrong? You seemed a little out of it.", she said noticing how I was staring blankly into my cup. I snapped out of my daze and I told her it was nothing. "I had a daughter once, just about the same age as you then. She was in love with a boy,...", she said and that's when i slowly lift my head. "..but she had cancer and without telling the boy anything, she broke up with him. But love, that decision was never the right choice because even if he knew that her time was limited, he would've stayed with her until her last breath, and love her, until he can love her no more, because now he lives with the guilt that he was never there for her when she needed someone the most, even if she said she doesn't. And i just wanted you to know, no matter how big the problem is, stay together because being apart makes it harder for both of you.", she finished and streams of tears fell down my cheeks, hard.

The woman hugged me as i left the cafe and decided to go to the beach. Hearing her story made me realize that, with every problem, comes a solution and all you need to do is pick up the right solution. My conscience was clear for once and looking over the clear ocean, washed me out of my worries for a while. The sun was slowly moving to the edge of the horizon, and the palm trees were slowly waving with the wind in the corner of my eye. It's finally time to rest. And that's when i heard his footsteps. "If you didn't want me to find you then you shouldn't be here.", his voice coming from behind and slowly he came closer, his arms reaching around my waist, and he pulled me closer, hugging me from behind. When i didn't pull away which i didn't want to, he hugged me tighter, his face in the crevices of my neck. We stood like that for a little over a minute listening to each other's breath when he said softly, almost pleading, "You don't have to take me back. You don't have to be with me. You don't have to explain anything just... don't push me away. I want to stay here, I will never move and whenever you're ready, all you have to do is come to me.". This was enough. Being in each other's lives is enough. I thought, and as he removed his arms around me, I left, showering Jeramaine in his own loneliness for now.