Chapter 9

ISRAEL IS INITIATED INTO THE MYSTERIES OF LODGING-HOUSES IN THE LATIN

QUARTER.

Closing the door upon himself, Israel advanced to the middle of the

chamber, and looked curiously round him.

A dark tessellated floor, but without a rug; two mahogany chairs, with

embroidered seats, rather the worse for wear; one mahogany bed, with a

gay but tarnished counterpane; a marble wash-stand, cracked, with a

china vessel of water, minus the handle. The apartment was very large;

this part of the house, which was a very extensive one, embracing the

four sides of a quadrangle, having, in a former age, been the hotel of a

nobleman. The magnitude of the chamber made its stinted furniture look

meagre enough.

But in Israel's eyes, the marble mantel (a comparatively recent

addition) and its appurtenances, not only redeemed the rest, but looked

quite magnificent and hospitable in the extreme. Because, in the first

place, the mantel was graced with an enormous old-fashioned square

mirror, of heavy plate glass, set fast, like a tablet, into the wall.

And in this mirror was genially reflected the following delicate

articles:--first, two boquets of flowers inserted in pretty vases of

porcelain; second, one cake of white soap; third, one cake of

rose-colored soap (both cakes very fragrant); fourth, one wax candle;

fifth, one china tinder-box; sixth, one bottle of Eau de Cologne;

seventh, one paper of loaf sugar, nicely broken into sugar-bowl size;

eighth, one silver teaspoon; ninth, one glass tumbler; tenth, one glass

decanter of cool pure water; eleventh, one sealed bottle containing a

richly hued liquid, and marked "Otard."

"I wonder now what O-t-a-r-d is?" soliloquised Israel, slowly spelling

the word. "I have a good mind to step in and ask Dr. Franklin. He knows

everything. Let me smell it. No, it's sealed; smell is locked in. Those

are pretty flowers. Let's smell them: no smell again. Ah, I see--sort of

flowers in women's bonnets--sort of calico flowers. Beautiful soap. This

smells anyhow--regular soap-roses--a white rose and a red one. That

long-necked bottle there looks like a crane. I wonder what's in that?

Hallo! E-a-u--d-e--C-o-l-o-g-n-e. I wonder if Dr. Franklin understands

that? It looks like his white wine. This is nice sugar. Let's taste.

Yes, this is very nice sugar, sweet as--yes, it's sweet as sugar; better

than maple sugar, such as they make at home. But I'm crunching it too

loud, the Doctor will hear me. But here's a teaspoon. What's this for?

There's no tea, nor tea-cup; but here's a tumbler, and here's drinking

water. Let me see. Seems to me, putting this and that and the other

thing together, it's a sort of alphabet that spells something. Spoon,

tumbler, water, sugar,--brandy--that's it. O-t-a-r-d is brandy. Who put

these things here? What does it all mean? Don't put sugar here for show,

don't put a spoon here for ornament, nor a jug of water. There is only

one meaning to it, and that is a very polite invitation from some

invisible person to help myself, if I like, to a glass of brandy and

sugar, and if I don't like, let it alone. That's my reading. I have a

good mind to ask Doctor Franklin about it, though, for there's just a

chance I may be mistaken, and these things here be some other person's

private property, not at all meant for me to help myself from. Cologne,

what's that--never mind. Soap: soap's to wash with. I want to use soap,

anyway. Let me see--no, there's no soap on the wash-stand. I see, soap

is not given gratis here in Paris, to boarders. But if you want it, take

it from the marble, and it will be charged in the bill. If you don't

want it let it alone, and no charge. Well, that's fair, anyway. But then

to a man who could not afford to use soap, such beautiful cakes as these

lying before his eyes all the time, would be a strong temptation. And

now that I think of it, the O-t-a-r-d looks rather tempting too. But if

I don't like it now, I can let it alone. I've a good mind to try it. But

it's sealed. I wonder now if I am right in my understanding of this

alphabet? Who knows? I'll venture one little sip, anyhow. Come, cork.

Hark!"

There was a rapid knock at the door.

Clapping down the bottle, Israel said, "Come in."

It was the man of wisdom.

"My honest friend," said the Doctor, stepping with venerable briskness

into the room, "I was so busy during your visit to the Pont Neuf, that I

did not have time to see that your room was all right. I merely gave the

order, and heard that it had been fulfilled. But it just occurred to me,

that as the landladies of Paris have some curious customs which might

puzzle an entire stranger, my presence here for a moment might explain

any little obscurity. Yes, it is as I thought," glancing towards the

mantel.

"Oh, Doctor, that reminds me; what is O-t-a-r-d, pray?"

"Otard is poison."

"Shocking."

"Yes, and I think I had best remove it from the room forthwith," replied

the sage, in a business-like manner putting the bottle under his arm; "I

hope you never use Cologne, do you?"

"What--what is that, Doctor?"

"I see. You never heard of the senseless luxury--a wise ignorance. You

smelt flowers upon your mountains. You won't want this, either;" and the

Cologne bottle was put under the other arm. "Candle--you'll want that.

Soap--you want soap. Use the white cake."

"Is that cheaper, Doctor?"

"Yes, but just as good as the other. You don't ever munch sugar, do you?

It's bad for the teeth. I'll take the sugar." So the paper of sugar was

likewise dropped into one of the capacious coat pockets.

"Oh, you better take the whole furniture, Doctor Franklin. Here, I'll

help you drag out the bedstead." "My honest friend," said the wise man,

pausing solemnly, with the two bottles, like swimmer's bladders, under

his arm-pits; "my honest friend, the bedstead you will want; what I

propose to remove you will not want."

"Oh, I was only joking, Doctor."

"I knew that. It's a bad habit, except at the proper time, and with the

proper person. The things left on the mantel were there placed by the

landlady to be used if wanted; if not, to be left untouched. To-morrow

morning, upon the chambermaid's coming in to make your bed, all such

articles as remained obviously untouched would have been removed, the

rest would have been charged in the bill, whether you used them up

completely or not."

"Just as I thought. Then why not let the bottles stay, Doctor, and save

yourself all this trouble?"

"Ah! why indeed. My honest friend, are you not my guest? It were

unhandsome in me to permit a third person superfluously to entertain you

under what, for the time being, is my own roof."

These words came from the wise man in the most graciously bland and

flowing tones. As he ended, he made a sort of conciliatory half bow

towards Israel.

Charmed with his condescending affability, Israel, without another word,

suffered him to march from the room, bottles and all. Not till the first

impression of the venerable envoy's suavity had left him, did Israel

begin to surmise the mild superiority of successful strategy which

lurked beneath this highly ingratiating air.

"Ah," pondered Israel, sitting gloomily before the rifled mantel, with

the empty tumbler and teaspoon in his hand, "it's sad business to have a

Doctor Franklin lodging in the next room. I wonder if he sees to all the

boarders this way. How the O-t-a-r-d merchants must hate him, and the

pastry-cooks too. I wish I had a good pie to pass the time. I wonder if

they ever make pumpkin pies in Paris? So I've got to stay in this room

all the time. Somehow I'm bound to be a prisoner, one way or another.

Never mind, I'm an ambassador; that's satisfaction. Hark! The Doctor

again.--Come in."

No venerable doctor, but in tripped a young French lass, bloom on her

cheek, pink ribbons in her cap, liveliness in all her air, grace in the

very tips of her elbows. The most bewitching little chambermaid in

Paris. All art, but the picture of artlessness.

"Monsieur! pardon!"

"Oh, I pardon ye freely," said Israel. "Come to call on the

Ambassador?"

"Monsieur, is de--de--" but, breaking down at the very threshold in her

English, she poured out a long ribbon of sparkling French, the purpose

of which was to convey a profusion of fine compliments to the stranger,

with many tender inquiries as to whether he was comfortably roomed, and

whether there might not be something, however trifling, wanting to his

complete accommodation. But Israel understood nothing, at the time, but

the exceeding grace, and trim, bewitching figure of the girl.

She stood eyeing him for a few moments more, with a look of pretty

theatrical despair, and, after vaguely lingering a while, with another

shower of incomprehensible compliments and apologies, tripped like a

fairy from the chamber. Directly she was gone Israel pondered upon a

singular glance of the girl. It seemed to him that he had, by his

reception, in some way, unaccountably disappointed his beautiful

visitor. It struck him very strangely that she had entered all sweetness

and friendliness, but had retired as if slighted, with a sort of

disdainful and sarcastic levity, all the more stinging from its apparent

politeness.

Not long had she disappeared, when a noise in the passage apprised him

that, in her hurried retreat, the girl must have stumbled against

something. The next moment he heard a chair scraping in the adjacent

apartment, and there was another knock at the door.

It was the man of wisdom this time.

"My honest friend, did you not have a visitor, just now?"

"Yes, Doctor, a very pretty girl called upon me."

"Well, I just stopped in to tell you of another strange custom of Paris.

That girl is the chambermaid, but she does not confine herself

altogether to one vocation. You must beware of the chambermaids of

Paris, my honest friend. Shall I tell the girl, from you, that,

unwilling to give her the fatigue of going up and down so many flights

of stairs, you will for the future waive her visits of ceremony?"

"Why, Doctor Franklin, she is a very sweet little girl."

"I know it, my honest friend; the sweeter the more dangerous. Arsenic is

sweeter than sugar. I know you are a very sensible young man, not to be

taken in by an artful Ammonite, and so I think I had better convey your

message to the girl forthwith."

So saying, the sage withdrew, leaving Israel once more gloomily seated

before the rifled mantel, whose mirror was not again to reflect the form

of the charming chambermaid.

"Every time he comes in he robs me," soliloquised Israel, dolefully;

"with an air all the time, too, as if he were making me presents. If he

thinks me such a very sensible young man, why not let me take care of

myself?"

It was growing dusk, and Israel, lighting the wax candle, proceeded to

read in his Guide-book.

"This is poor sight-seeing," muttered he at last, "sitting here all by

myself, with no company but an empty tumbler, reading about the fine

things in Paris, and I myself a prisoner in Paris. I wish something

extraordinary would turn up now; for instance, a man come in and give me

ten thousand pounds. But here's 'Poor Richard;' I am a poor fellow

myself; so let's see what comfort he has for a comrade."

Opening the little pamphlet, at random, Israel's eyes fell on the

following passages: he read them aloud--

"'_So what signifies waiting and hoping for better times? We may make

these times better, if we bestir ourselves. Industry need not wish, and

he that lives upon hope will die fasting, as Poor Richard says. There

are no gains, without pains. Then help hands, for I have no lands, as

Poor Richard says._' Oh, confound all this wisdom! It's a sort of

insulting to talk wisdom to a man like me. It's wisdom that's cheap,

and it's fortune that's dear. That ain't in Poor Richard; but it ought

to be," concluded Israel, suddenly slamming down the pamphlet.

He walked across the room, looked at the artificial flowers, and the

rose-colored soap, and again went to the table and took up the two

books.

"So here is the 'Way to Wealth,' and here is the 'Guide to Paris.'

Wonder now whether Paris lies on the Way to Wealth? if so, I am on the

road. More likely though, it's a parting-of-the-ways. I shouldn't be

surprised if the Doctor meant something sly by putting these two books

in my hand. Somehow, the old gentleman has an amazing sly look--a sort

of wild slyness--about him, seems to me. His wisdom seems a sort of sly,

too. But all in honor, though. I rather think he's one of those old

gentlemen who say a vast deal of sense, but hint a world more. ^Depend

upon it, he's sly, sly, sly. Ah, what's this Poor Richard says: ^{c} God

helps them that help themselves:' Let's consider that. Poor Richard

ain't a Dunker, that's certain, though he has lived in Pennsylvania.

'God helps them that help themselves.' I'll just mark that saw, and

leave the pamphlet open to refer to it again--Ah!"

At this point, the Doctor knocked, summoning Israel to his own

apartment. Here, after a cup of weak tea, and a little toast, the two

had a long, familiar talk together; during which, Israel was delighted

with the unpretending talkativeness, serene insight, and benign

amiability of the sage. But, for all this, he could hardly forgive him

for the Cologne and Otard depredations.

Discovering that, in early life, Israel had been employed on a farm,

the man of wisdom at length turned the conversation in that direction;

among other things, mentioning to his guest a plan of his (the Doctor's)

for yoking oxen, with a yoke to go by a spring instead of a bolt; thus

greatly facilitating the operation of hitching on the team to the cart.

Israel was very much struck with the improvement; and thought that, if

he were home, upon his mountains, he would immediately introduce it

among the farmers.