Returning "home" from home

Nova unpacked what little belongings she had left into drawer and cute storage containers she had picked up at a yard sale. She was relieved her futon fit in the small bedroom with a slanted ceiling. The futon fit just right between the wall and the doorway, where the ceiling was at its shortest. Thankfully she was short herself and could sit up without hitting her head. She would need to be mindful waking up in the morning before sitting up to avoid smacking her head. She took a deep breath, she was glad to be back in this area, near where she went to college. This was her new life that she had started four years ago. She had gone home to help her mom, and was so relieved to be back to her normal. "Novvaaaaaaaa" bellowed Lucy. "We are going to grab some lunch in town, want to join?". Nova smirked and shook her head. She loved that Lucy had adopted this quaint town and married life in this way. She had been a wild child and had become so domesticated. Nova knew she was an amazing friend, offering a room in her house while Nova got back on her feet. 

Lucy was the only person out here who knew about my life prior to college. We had quickly connected during our college years, and I was often a comfortable third wheel to Lucy and Tim. I had never intended on returning to my childhood hometown- something obvious to Lucy.  She was the only one who knew how challenging it was for me to move home with my mother to take care of her while she was terminally ill. We walked down the street, talking and chuckling like we always did. Lucy was drumming up ways for me to meet men, something that was a bit of a hobby for her. Tim would chuckle and roll his eyes. He knew she was living vicariously through me which he hated and loved. I rolled my eyes too, reminding her I was off men after Rob. Who disappears completely from someone's life after their mom dies? We had been friends since 13, and when we became more I NEVER thought he would end it like that. We walked into the diner and a familiar deep and loud voice came through the crowd of people waiting to be seated. "Nova, is that you? I thought you moved back home?". My eyes navigated from the work boots, up to the blue jeans and the snug fitting white t-shirt. I was surprised, I did not know that folks from college had planted roots in the area. John was in front of me with his boyish smirk and blue eyes. How had he known I had stayed here let alone moved back home? "Hey John! Oh you heard? I went to help my mom out for a bit, but I am back now". I wish he would take his eyes off me, it made it hard to move. I was certain Lucy was watching this like a hawk. "Well, glad your back! Maybe we can hangout sometime?". Yup, I am sure Lucy heard this. I needed to find my exit. "Thanks, John. Yeah, maybe! I see my friends just got a table so I have to go- see you around!". I did not look back, while taking a deep breath. Why was my heart beating so fast. I could see Lucy's look from a mile away. I rolled my eyes in anticipation of her reaction. She could not stop talking- my eyes darted around the room as I shhhed her. She and Tim chuckled. 

Back at their house, I continued to settle in. I replayed my awkwardness in front of John. My reaction to him made my mind drift to Rob. I was so surprised, confused and hurt. It had been 4 weeks now, and not word from him. I couldn't help but check my text messages and emails for a response to any of my communication. I hadn't reached out in two weeks, I felt desperate enough for my attempts the first two weeks. I knew he was alive, friends had seen him out. Why did I not even deserve the decency of a break up? Who ghosts someone after 20 years of friendship? Why would and how could I let myself get excited about any other guy after that? An alert from my computer snapped me back to reality. 

My heart jumped into my throat, it was John messaging me. "Good seeing you today. I thought you moved back for good. How's your mom?". I was annoyed he was asking these questions and while usually highly skilled at avoiding personal topics, my brain did not have it in me. "Good to see you too. I went home because she was terminally ill. I took care of her and now I'm back." Sent. Ooooof. Not one of my more sophisticated responses. Too much? Too short? I knew I had to avoid the awkwardness. "I didn't know you stayed out here. How is Jen?". Jen was John's long term college girlfriend. Shoot, did I really avoid awkwardness or just invite it in further? I grimaced as his response came in, at least I had changed the subject. John and I went back and forth for a few more minutes. John had moved back here to work for a large engineering firm. He had bought a house and Jen lived with him, before she left him and moved back to Florida. I was hoping he was still in a relationship. As I was getting ready to say goodbye, John inquired, "Having a part with old college friends and new ones, you would swing by and see my house". I gulped. I didn't think this was a good idea, and I had lived the last 6 months under a rock with minimal socializing with friends. Part of me needed this. "I am still settling in, today is day one- I'll let you know once I have figured out my plans". I exited out of everything before he could reply. I decided I would only attend if Lucy would go with me. She was always up for a good wing woman adventure- Tim was such a good sport about it. Lucy was down, but I decided to wait a couple of days before letting John know.