My son

Today is the weekend ànd as I promised my kids,I am taking them to the park to play. The week has been long and stressful with the past coming back to haunt me.

I still haven't forgotten the look my father gave me when I declared that I wanted nothing to do with Lake Richards,the father of my twins.

“ This is not about what you want, Aileen. I won't let you embarrass the Carter family.” Those words still ring in my ears even when I àm sleeping. I don't know what gave him the impression that I still care about the so-called family name.

The day I took a flight from New York and settled here is the day the Carter name lost its meaning to me.

I won't allow him to pressure me to something I don't want.

Deep down,I am still scared though. The look he gave me before he left my house told me that he was not done with me nor satisfied with my response.

My father is not someone who takes a no for an answer. I can't keep calm trying to figure out his next move.

I talked to Gabriel and he said that my father doesn't seem to be planning anything. I don't believe it though.

Worse would be him arranging a marriage between me and Lake which would mean making my kids' existence known to their father.

After the conversation I eavesdropped the other day between my children,I have been thinking about talking to Lake.

I am scared though. What if he doesn't acknowledge them? Am I willing to put my kids through the pain of rejection? Lake has a stable life now and a fiance whom I believe he intends to marry. I have to consider the consequences of introducing him to the twins. Will he hate me for it?

All these thoughts have been keeping me awake at night.

“ Mommy,are you alright?” My daughter's voice snaps me from my thoughts. I turn to look at her,giving her a smile.

“ Of course I am alright baby. Why do you ask?”

“ I have noticed that you have been zoning out from time to time.” She replies and from the look on my son's face,I can see he has the same concern.

I mentally smack myself for being distracted and causing my kids to worry about me.

“It's nothing to worry about. I am just thinking.” I conjure an explanation. I don't need to divulge the details of my concerns to them. They wouldn't understand my concerns and even if they do,I don't want my kids to see me as weak and indecisive.

“ Is this about grandpa?” Kaiser asks and my hands momentarily tighten on the bag I am holding.

That's the thing with my son. He is too observant and wise for his own age.

Despite Gabriel trying to distract them when my father visited, Kaiser must have picked on something about our awkward relationship.

“ Not at all. Just wondering where I'll take you both for Christmas.” I reply while scolding myself for telling yet another lie. While it's customary for us to travel for the Christmas vacation, that's the last thing on my mind right now.

We still have a month before Christmas, that's enough time to figure out our next vacation destination.

“ Why don't we travel to your hometown Mommy? We can visit your family. Uncle Gabriel said that your family is big. Lilian said they will be travelling to their home for Christmas too.” Bailey suggests making me swallow in horror.

I turn to look at my babies only to be greeted by Bailey’s expectant look and Kaiser’s curious gaze. I open my mouth to spit another lie only to close it.

I look away, not willing to have them see the conflicted look on my face. I never expected my daughter to ask me such a hard and tricky question.

How do I start telling them that I ran away from home after realizing I was pregnant with them?

How do I reveal to them that going back might end up hurting them? I don't want to hear my kids being called bastards on their faces. Knowing my family, that's something you can expect.

Above all,how do I confess that I am afraid that I might lose them if I go back? What if Lake learns about them and decides to…

God forbid!

“ Mommy?” Bailey calls and I clear my throat.

“ How about you let Mommy think about it?” I propose,giving her a smile. Bailey smiles back with a nod. I turn to look at Kaiser who spots a suspicious look on his face. However,he conceals his emotions and looks away.

After leaving the house,I drive us to the nearby pack. Bailey runs off to play with the other kids.

“ Be careful.” I shout,a smile painting my lips at how carefree my daughter is.

“ Is our father the reason you don't want to go back to your hometown?” A gentle voice asks and I turn to see my son standing besides me,staring me in the face.

I swallow,an uncomfortable feeling creeping in me. Just when I thought that matter was settled. I should have known that Kaiser wasn't going to settle for half-baked answers.

“ What makes you think that?” I try to avoid the topic by asking another question.

“ You eavesdropped on our conversation the other night and pretended that you heard nothing.” Kaiser exposes me and I cough awkwardly.

“ Are you afraid that he will take us from you?” Kaiser asks another question and I almost lose my footing.

It seems like I can't hide it from him anymore.

I squat to reach his height,taking his hands in mine.

“ Listen,my son. Mommy loves you and your sister the most. It's just that there are some things she can't figure out and is scared of. I didn't mean to hurt the two of you when I…

“ Aileen Carter? Is that you?” A voice I'd rather never hear sounds from behind me. Turning around, I come face to face with her,the villain in my story.