Trying to be Good

[Juniper]

    After a while, I heard the door to my left open. I looked up as Garrett came out. He seemed startled to see me, but smiled.

    “Up early, Juni-bug.”

    “You’re not seriously gonna call me that, too, are you?” I groaned.

    “I think I might. Teddy always looks so cute when he says it.” He winked.

    “Do you really love him?” I asked quietly.

    He sat down in one of the armchairs. “You know, for the longest time I wondered if I could love someone. I’d feel attracted to people, but never anything like this. When I first saw him sleeping on the motel bed, I felt butterflies in my stomach. It was crazy. Then, when your friends showed up, I was out getting coffee. When I came back, he was at the door with Jaxon, they both had their shirts off and their belts were unbuckled. It was like I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I had the urge to go punch Jaxon and pull Teddy away from him. I was jealous. That’s never happened before.”

    I giggled a little. He seemed confused by his own feelings. I was glad my father and grandfather had pulled them together, though.

    “Later, he went with me on another coffee run. I just felt like I had to tell him, I thought he was cute when he was sleeping. He tried to be the fake flirty guy he pretends to be, but I leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed in the cute way he does. f**k. He’s beautiful and sweet. And smart as hell. I don’t deserve him, but I’m not gonna let him know that.” Garrett laughed.

    “I think you do deserve him. I feel like our father would’ve loved you. Especially, if he saw how happy Teddy is with you. He finally has a chance to be who he really is.”

    “Not something I would’ve expected. I want to marry him, Juniper.” He whispered.

    “You have my blessing, Garrett. I bet Carson will give his as well. Just make sure our Teddy is happy.” I smiled.

    “You know, I always wanted a little sister. I think you might be the coolest girl in the state.” Garrett grinned.

    “Wow… just the state? Maybe you don’t have my blessing.” I joked.

    “Then I guess I’ll just have to kidnap Teddy and run away to live in sin with him.” He shrugged.

    “Well, I suppose I should back down. Can’t have that. I want to be his maid of honor, though.” I winked.

    “Done. Now all I have to do is make sure he loves me enough to say yes.” Garrett sighed and went to the kitchen, getting a glass of water.

    “I think you’ll manage it. There’s no rush. Just enjoy the fun part of this relationship. At least you get to have sex.” I muttered.

    “TMI, kiddo. It’s almost time for everyone to start getting up. You ready for your first day of lunch detention?” He asked.

    “I’ve never had detention before. I wonder what it will be like. As long as I can read my book, I don’t mind. Can’t imagine Becca will make it pleasant.”

    “Next time, clock the bitch.” Garrett suggested with a grin as he passed me.

    “No, not until after graduation. I’m gonna walk come hell or high water.” I vowed.

    He snickered as he closed the door and I was alone again with the Dashwoods. I still had about fifteen minutes before I had to get up if I was going to make breakfast. So I opened my book and continued to read.

    When my alarm went off, I set my book down and went to the kitchen. I would make pancakes, eggs, bacon, and dice up some strawberries and pears. Pre-heating the oven, I pulled out a baking sheet and laid down a cooling rack inside. Then I layered bacon on the rack. It would keep it out of the grease and make it crisp nicely.

    I had the batter and eggs mixed by the time the oven was ready. After thirty minutes, breakfast was ready and a pot of coffee was brewed. I put things on plates and in bowls then set them out on the table with the place settings. Jaxon came out and sat at the table as I was knocking on Teddy’s door. I waved and knocked again.

    “Busy!” I heard Teddy shout.

    “Breakfast is on the table, when you’re done getting busy!” I called back and went to grab the milk. I set the carton on the table after pouring myself a glass and took my seat.

    “You’ve been pretty busy yourself, sweet.” Jaxon smiled.

    “I couldn’t sleep after I woke up at five, so I read and decided to make breakfast.” I shrugged.

    “Well, I can drop you off at school, then Gary can pick you up. I have to go get some more clothes from Bobbi’s house.” He said.

    “Actually, why don’t you stay there tonight.” I suggested, focusing on my plate.

    “Why? Are you mad at me?” Jaxon sounded a little hurt.

    “No, honey. I just need some space. I bet your family’s missing you, too. One night apart isn’t going to kill us, right?” I said lightly.

    “It might. Is it because I keep turning you down?” He asked.

    Teddy and Garrett came out right after he asked. I blushed. No one was aware that I kept coming on to him and he kept saying no. Garrett only knew I wasn’t having s*x and was salty about it.

    “No, Jaxon. I have two group tutoring sessions tonight and I just want to sleep alone after being around so many people.” I sighed.

    “What if you have a nightmare?” His voice was strained.

    “I’ll just have to deal with it. Will you still take me to school today and to my appointment tomorrow?” I asked.

    He moved food around on his plate dejectedly. “I promised I would. Gary can do your other driving. I guess.”

    We all ate quietly for a while. It was a little awkward to have a fight like this so early in the morning. And it wasn’t even a real fight. I just thought, a little space might make it easier for me to control myself. Part of me wanted to give him some form of comfort, but I was worried I’d lose my resolve or try and make another move.

    Instead, I decided to rinse my plate and go get ready for school. I grabbed a quick shower and put on tight black jeans and a lavender peasant top. Pulling on my white sneakers, I steeled myself for, what would be, one of my most difficult mornings in a long while. I hated seeing him hurt.

    When I got out to the living room with my backpack, I grabbed my book and put it in. The positive about having detention at lunch, is that I would get forty-five minutes of dedicated reading time. Jaxon held the door open and I walked out to his car, quietly.

    We got in and headed to the high school. The atmosphere in the car was heavy. It made me nervous, like those times when Hank got quietly angry. The times I knew I’d pay for later. I had to figure out how to fix it. Without realizing it, I started wincing at every movement Jaxon made.

    “I’m not going to hurt you, Juniper. Don’t be afraid. I’m allowed to be upset. You're pushing me away.” He sighed.

    “That’s not what I’m doing. I just need to reset. You want me to wait. I want to wait, so you know I’m serious about our relationship. Do you know how hard it is to be near you and have to control myself? My entire body is on fire, Jaxon. Could I please, just have this one night? I can make tomorrow a half day and we can spend the afternoon together after my appointment and lunch.” I told him.

    He looked at me for a moment. “You’re really doing this for me?”

    “Jaxon, I’m trying my best. You saw me yesterday. That feeling’s even stronger today. I want to be better, but I can’t be without trying to stand on my own a little more. It’s just one night. You can come for supper, just don’t stay over.” I said.

    We pulled up to the front of the school. He got out and opened my door, putting his hand out to assist me. I looked up at him and he cupped my cheek in his other hand.

    “I love you, Juniper. You do what you have to do tonight. I’ll come over after work and eat with you. Then, I’ll go back to Bobbi’s. Can I use your shower, though? It’s a lot of heavy physical labor and I’d feel better if I were clean.” He smiled.

    “Of course, honey. I want you to be comfortable. Thank you, for understanding.” I murmured.

    “Can I have a kiss before I leave, sweet?” Jaxon whispered.

    I nodded and he lowered his mouth to mine. It was a gentle, delicate kiss. Nothing hungry or s****l about it. Just a connection of soft lips and light pressure. It was art in kiss form. I whimpered a little when he pulled away.

    “I’ll see you after work, sweet Juniper. This time, no fighting.” He chuckled.

    “Have a good day, Jaxon. I’ll see you tonight.” I smiled and watched him get in the car and leave.

    Walking over to the doors, I noticed there was a small crowd of students who’d been watching us. It was a little embarrassing. I waited off to the side of the doors for my friends. Two girls came over and started talking to me.

    “Was that your boyfriend, Juni?” Suzie Pyle asked.

    “Yes.” I smiled tightly.

    “He’s so hot! Is he coming to the prom?” Suzie bounced.

    “Umm. Yeah. He’s planning to ask Clayton for his ticket, since he can’t go.” I responded.

    “So it’s true. Everyone in the fight, except you, got banned from prom? Wow. I bet a lotta girls are gonna be pissed at you.” She said, breathlessly.

    “Those boys chose to fight. The only ones that had a reason were Clayton and Randy. The girls should be mad at their boyfriends for jumping into fights that were none of their business. And Becca got what she deserved. She’s been picking on people more and more every year.” I replied in a bored tone. I really didn’t need this after the last twenty-four hours.

    Kelly walked up to me and glared at the girls until they decided to retreat. Tammy and Amber came along soon after. We went in and chatted while we waited on the first bell. I was happy I had them all. I couldn’t imagine the life my father told me about that didn’t include them.